A Lunch in the Life of an Anorexic

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The waitress slowly approached our table to take our lunch orders. Thankfully, she started at the opposite side of the table. This gave me more time to study the menu, see that out of all the items listed, I would only eat two things, and then begin to daydream about the person I once was; one who ate french fries, chicken finger pitas, and even soup. The mere thought of consuming fried foods caused me to envision a girl who would go from skinny to fat in about three seconds, while the sodium content in soup created a picture of a pregnant teenager, appearing unhealthily bloated from waterRead More →

Apathy at its Worst

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I had once been vibrant, loud, outgoing, and dramatic. I had a love for people, animals, activities, and sports. Hyper was one word that many people would have used to describe me. Unfortunately, as a result of a predisposition and genetics, and the stressful environment I was in, the obsessive compulsive disorder trait became uncovered and exposed. Consequently, it manifested into an eating disorder, ultimately resulting in depression. In 2003, there were several major events across the world and country that sparked various emotions out of millions of people. For example, in 2003, the United States planned for an invasion of Iraq due to anRead More →

My New Self-Proclaimed Regimen

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I declared my major at Michigan State University in Elementary Education, with a concentrated subject matter in Language Arts. My certification requirements encompassed various teaching courses and English studies. I am not sure when I became an expert on nutrition, food and diet, but I took it upon myself to create a new regimen and menu in order to reach my goal. By the end of the summer going into my sophomore year of college I was going to be the most fit I had ever been at the time of presesaon. So, without delay, I began my two-a-day workouts, while eating “healthy” and restricting myself from whatRead More →

Destined for Food to be a Focal Point

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The main struggle with an eating disorder is the obsessive focus on food. It becomes a compulsive behavior where the only thing one can possibly think about is food. The thoughts and questions are irrational and repeat over and over in the mind of an anorexic person. Twelve years later, after my treatment and recovery, I have found a healthy balance of eating well and indulging when I desire. I stopped reading labels, I strive to eat in moderation, I do not restrict myself if I have a temptation, and I do not focus on food (well, I try my best not to.) However, I believe I am destined to have aRead More →

The Power of the Voice

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To me, the strongest battle I fought during my time with an eating disorder was “The Voice.” The voice should have been given a legal name, as it truly became a person I heard and listened to every second of my life. The voice dictated my decisions, swayed me not to eat, and convinced me to keep losing weight. At times, I believed this was the only relationship I had in my existence. The voice kept reassuring me I would be a happier individual if I continued seeing the numbers go down on the scale. Therefore, every time I walked into the entrance to myRead More →

Freshman Fifteen

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“Four energy drinks, a bag of Doritos, Easy Mac and a whole pizza at 2 a.m. Welcome to the diet of a college freshman. Foods like these make up the recipe for the “freshman 15,” the amount of weight college students are expected to gain their freshman year,” says Abby Lutz, in a recent article published by The Ball State Daily, Students, professor weigh in on legitimacy of ‘freshman fifteen’. I anxiously entered and walked into Case Hall North on August 23, 2002. I had already been living on campus for a week and a half, as we were required to report for preseason on August 11. I was nervousRead More →

Rock Bottom: January 24, 2004

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Beep. Beep. Beep. My alarm went off at 7:08am on January 24, 2004.  It was a cold, wintry, Saturday morning in East Lansing, Michigan. With a sigh of relief, I knew the sound of alarm meant it was time to head back home for the remainder of the weekend. The quicker I put on my running clothes, hurried down a flight of steps to the fitness center in my apartment complex, and ran six miles, the sooner I’d load up my car and depart East Lansing; a place I became quite uneasy with over the past several months. Our Michigan State women’s soccer banquet was scheduledRead More →