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My last collegiate soccer game was in November 2006 against Notre Dame in the NCAA tournament. Eleven years seems like a long time (and, it is), but my memories of playing college soccer are just as clear and vivid as they were then. While watching college games this fall, I could not help but picture myself out on the field…dressed in uniform…crossing balls…high-fiving my teammates…acknowledging a great pass…and leading by example. But, there was definitely one thing I could not picture. And, unfortunately, it goes back to the body image and eating disorders epidemic occurring in society today. Just as styles and trends in clothingRead More →

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If only I were skinny… I’d be so much happier. This is not the case at all. Actually, when I was my skinniest, I was the most unhappy I had ever been. I was clinically depressed, and was completely miserable. All I was able to think about was food and my body, and not gaining weight. I was trapped inside. I’d have so many more friends. See, it seems as though skinny people tend to be more popular. I worked so hard at attaining thinness that my personality completely dwindled to nothing, I had no energy, and I was withdrawn from everyone and everything. Clearly,Read More →

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I signed my two boys up for half-day soccer camp last summer. I was seven months pregnant at the time, and it was the hottest month of the year in Maryland.  Our mornings that week were pretty routine. Woke up, fed them breakfast, got them ready, buckled them in the car, and somehow managed to get to the fields with three minutes to spare. As soon as they were called in by the coaches, I was finally able to take a long, deep breath. Then, while lacing up my running shoes, I planned out my workout. I was making good use of my time —Read More →

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Last night, I had lengthy and very serious thoughts. I agonized over the fact that I had worked out, and worked out hard, for so many days in a row that I wasn’t even able to recall my last day off. That my body needed a rest, and it would be in my best interest to take a day off. I pleaded that I needed it–that I felt tired, worn, and lethargic. And, that maybe a rest day would rejuvenate me. I recognized that the pain I was feeling in my hip was because of over usage, and the only way to resolve that pain wouldRead More →

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So I walked into the gym this morning, as usual. Like every morning, I threw on the same black crop pants that I wore the day before, washed, cleaned, folded and ready to go. On top, I wore my raggedy gray v-neck t-shirt that is in a rotation with the same one, but blue. Let’s just say, it probably doesn’t smell like perfume. If people looked at me, which I’m sure they did, they have to assume I only have one or two pairs of workout pants, and two t-shirts, at most.  To those people who are concerned about the variety in my wardrobe, my husbandRead More →

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I can feel my body spreading. Literally, as I sit on the couch, I can see and notice that my legs are getting bigger by the second, and my stomach is expanding. All I can imagine is the number on the scale increasing and increasing each minute I am handcuffed and instructed not to do any physical activity. This includes: No exercise — meaning my body will not be releasing any endorphins contributing to my energy level and positive outlook on life. No lifting — that means not even my twelve-pound baby; therefore, I am being forced to have and hire help during this restrictive time. No bending up andRead More →

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As the New Year is quickly approaching, and people are sharing their New Year’s resolutions via social media, among friends, and other various networks, losing weight is one of the more popular goals that people set to achieve. Admittedly, I was one. “It’s winter time, and I feel heavier than normal.” “There is always weight to lose.” “I can always be thinner.” These are all thoughts that run through my head; all of which I have to ignore or fight against. It doesn’t help that every time I turn on the television or open a magazine while in line at the grocery store, all I seeRead More →

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As a college athlete, the NCAA mandated programs to have one day off a week during a strenuous, competitive, and intense season. In addition to a day completely off, my coaches incorporated a practice schedule that tapered in length, activity, and intensity as we approached game days. Even though it was made clear to us that a day off helped our bodies recover, I struggled to understand the concept then, and, admittedly, I still battle this belief today.  Back then, a day of zero exercise or a day without sweat didn’t feel right. It made me feel like I lacked energy, and the following dayRead More →

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I happened to have been in Starbucks this past week. The last week of summer, and the final few days for kids to enjoy their time out of the classroom. I walked in, drenched in sweat, having just finished my run. I desperately needed some ice cold water, and it’s the nearest place for me to stop, rest, and cool down before walking back home. While I stood there watching the baristas grab cups, label them, and then mix drinks, I noticed there were four young girls placing their order. They had to have been middle school-aged, twelve or thirteen years old, and without their parents.Read More →

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Be kind… For everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. My mom’s ongoing words my entire upbringing were, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” I never truly appreciated or understood the consequences words may have on someone until I battled and overcame anorexia. She played for Indiana University. She had matched up against me each time we had played, and this particular time was no different. I would like to give her the benefit of the doubt, and believe she was a nice person who just used the wrong language to talk smack. But,Read More →