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While I wasn’t disqualified by a referee for my school-issued uniform revealing too much bare body, I was taunted by my opponent for my uniform being too small and tight. I know how uncomfortable and self-conscious I felt, so I can only imagine how this young, innocent swimmer suffered when her hard-earned win was stripped from her because of her appearance. Before you shame anyone, please think about this: I was recovering from the most paralyzing eating disorder at the time my opponent had the audacity to make fun of how tight my uniform fit. My school didn’t have the luxury to purchase new uniformsRead More →

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It only takes one moment, one second, one phrase to shatter a girl’s self-image, and take away her innocence forever. And, that defining moment can never ever be taken back as the damage has already been done. For me, that one moment was when I was told I needed to be more fit in order to perform at a higher level in my sport. I believed the only way to be more fit and faster was to lose weight. Before that moment, I never counted calories, looked at the nutrition facts panel, or “dieted.” In fact, none of those things ever even crossed my mind.Read More →

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To the girl I see at the gym everyday: Each day I walk up the steps to the cardio equipment at my gym, I hope that maybe you won’t be there. But, then again, I am relieved when I see you because I know you are still surviving. I see you. I see you wearing a sweatsuit to workout. Those baggy sweatpants that you have to tie at the waist to keep them in place. At some point in your past, they fit a completely different way. Your huge hooded sweatshirt drapes down your body as you go through the movements on the elliptical. IRead More →

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As I refreshed my newsfeed on Facebook just last night, the first post that came up was a before picture and after picture of a friend who was sharing that she has lost weight. So far she has 132 comments, and each one sends the same message: “You look AMAZING!”  “Wow. So proud of you!” “Yayyyy!” “Beautiful!!!” When I first started my new diet and exercise regimen back in college, my goal was to lose weight and get more physically fit. I had gained weight my freshman year, and as a result of society’s standards of beauty and the thin ideal, I knew I hadRead More →

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My 6 year old son has been asking me for the last several months to run a race together. Though the idea of signing us up sounded wonderful, I couldn’t help but have uncontrollable and intrusive thoughts creep back in head from the time of my eating disorder. At the time of my eating disorder, I not only restricted calories to the extreme, but I worked out excessively. No matter how intense the exercise, the length of time I ran, or the amount of calories burned, it never seemed enough. But, in my mind was always a minimum that I wouldn’t allow myself to fallRead More →

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As an athlete who competed at an elite level of soccer my entire life, I experienced the tremendous demands placed on student-athletes. Sports not only demand excellence in physical performance, but require the ability to juggle a demanding schedule including school, social events, family, and more. I strived for perfection in all aspects of my life, but particularly soccer. I placed an immense amount of pressure on myself to meet and exceed all expectations in my performance, and was willing to do whatever it took to succeed. This personality characteristic in itself made me susceptible to developing unhealthy, extreme behaviors. Sports are very time-consuming andRead More →

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As a young girl, my family often took a cruise vacation during Christmas week. We traveled from one Caribbean island to the next, enjoyed many excursions, applauded our way through entertainment shows, and gambled until a depressing amount of money was lost. But, above all, and most celebrated, was the food. My absolute favorite childhood food was steak. Maybe it was because I only had it for special occasions, which kept it a novelty. But, on the cruise we took when I was seventeen years old, I went crazy, and, let’s just say, truly took advantage of the all-you-can-eat aspect of a cruise. After sevenRead More →

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As if ending the season with the worst record in years, not qualifying for the conference tournament, and failing to accomplish my personal goals wasn’t bad enough. Then pile on studying for finals while, also, being responsible for working tirelessly to stay physically fit. College sports demanded excellence not just during season, but year round—in sport and school. And, finally, on top of it all, the end of the fall semester in Michigan inevitably ended with a winter storm that consisted of sleet, heavy snowfall, and freezing cold temperatures. Michigan State University’s campus is one of the biggest campuses in the nation. Just like many colleges, parking was extremely limiting–causing me toRead More →

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We are born and raised in a society where we all have the same vision of beauty and of the perfect body. We strive to conform to that picture, and when we are unsuccessful, we become extremely hard on ourselves and attempt many different strategies to reach it — exercise, diet, make-up, even surgery. It all began when my physique transformed from skin and bones to curves and muscles. Pants began fitting snugger, and my inner thigh gap gradually turned from existent to nonexistent. It seemed I became an expert at doing the “jean dance” to work the stiff denim up my legs. Shopping forRead More →

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The greatest time of year to self-reflect is Thanksgiving. This year, I am focusing on being grateful for my body—how and why it looks and feels this way. Don’t get me wrong. There are definitely some improvements I would love to make to my figure. But, when I recognize the positives, I am able to be more forgiving and appreciative of my body. Here are five reasons I am more thankful for my body this year: My body has given me babies. Not all women have the privilege to give the miracle of life. I successfully delivered three beautiful, healthy children. For that, I amRead More →