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As we watched Bachelor in Paradise tonight on our DVR, I watched my stomach move like a roller coaster. The sensation is one thing, but to see it is another. So, of course, I paused the show and said to my husband, “Oh my goodness. Just watch this for a second. It’s wild.” And, then, I felt a limb bulge out on my side, and it created a distorted shape in my abdomen. My shirt crept up, and I revealed my bare stomach to him. One reason was to show him the crazy movements the baby was making, and the other was to just stareRead More →

The Pressures That Kept Me From Loving Soccer

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From the time I was a little girl, I strived to please others. I thrived on praise and attention, and put all my efforts into being recognized and acknowledged. It was something I felt internally, but was never able to look inside, and see that was where my troubles were brewing. I happened to have gravitated toward soccer at the age of four. Not only did I enjoy it, but I stood out, and it came more natural to me than it did to others. It provided me a sense of accomplishment. It was clear from the start that soccer was my sport, and wasRead More →

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We all have a hero. Someone we look up to, place on a pedestal, and see as invincible. Heroes depict true success; lacking imperfections, and attaining triumph and prosperity. We may have an array of role models.  Heroes usually transpire based on our personal interests. Specifically, a young soccer player may idolize Mia Hamm; a little singer may worship Mariah Carey; while, an emerging actor may see Julianne Moore as the end all be all. But, these heroes all represent the intangible star, one of who we see on televisions, magazine covers, or on the Internet. Other heroes we inherently admire, appreciate, and respect areRead More →

Athlete's Anxieties When Eligibility Expires

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I spent countless hours in the weight room as a college athlete. Each session, I entered through the double doors, opened the drawer, and routinely pulled out the sheet of paper with my name at the top. There it listed each exercise, and the goal for the amount of repetitions I perform on each one. I embraced the challenges, and felt satisfaction from the pain I endured throughout each lift. I pushed with all my might as my arms trembled from the bench press, and watched through the mirror as my legs shook uncontrollably; true signs of strength, muscle gain, and resilience. The feelings were bothRead More →

Erin Konheim Mandras Blog Eating Disorders

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We were waiting to hear back the results from my 14-month-old’s endoscopy. The pediatric gastroenterologist who was caring for and treating my son had us prepared for what she anticipated the biopsy would reveal. History The prior 14 months had been exhausting, challenging, and extremely difficult as a mother and parent. The issues we faced daily since his birth included spitting up, vomiting, difficulty bottle feeding, and then refusal to eat solid foods at the time we were instructed to introduce them. Though he had struggled to initially gain weight, he somehow made it out of the “red,” and his growth became a nonissue. TheRead More →

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Over two feet of snow. Storm Jonas. Blizzard of the century. All highlighted stories we, in Baltimore, Maryland, have heard leading up to this horrific snow storm. Though the news stations, weather channels, and meteorologists have done a superb job at preparing us for this dreadful weekend, it was very hard to believe it would actually happen. That, or I was just in such denial in an effort to block the thought of being locked in my house for two full days with our 4 and 2-year-old sons.  For a rigid and routined person, the thought of not having the ability to plan my dayRead More →

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As I approach the 12th anniversary of my Rock Bottom Car Accident AND a historic snow storm expected to bring “crippling conditions” to Baltimore, I reflect back on my journey of developing anorexia nervosa, and living with it. I try to recall the vivid thoughts that floated through my mind at the most critical points of my disorder. People often ask what helped most in my recovery process. I don’t believe there is a clear, definitive answer to this question, but I can tell you that multiple aspects contributed to the change of my attitude, thoughts, and motives. The first, and probably most significant, aspect that drove me in the direction of recoveryRead More →

Thunder Thighs are for Tomboys

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I have been told that even as a baby, I always found a ball to kick around the house. However, I would say that I started playing soccer when I was three years old. At the time, my brother was five years old, and he was just beginning organized soccer involving team practices and games. As a typical younger sibling, I was dragged along to his activities. It was apparent that soccer was going to be the sport I would grow with, as even at an early age I possessed qualities that pointed in that direction. When it was my turn to officially begin my soccerRead More →

The Disorder that can Lead to Sport Aversion

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“She grew too weak to continue performing and had to quit,” an article referred to a collegiate dancer on scholarship at Davenport College in Michigan. “I began struggling the summer before my junior year in college.. The pressure of it all, dancing in front of a large crowd, being judged a lot, that kind of caused it a little bit,” Tylor Davis reflected on her battle with anorexia during college competition. I, too, experienced an overwhelming amount of pressure during my college years in both soccer and school. Davis, unfortunately, quit the sport in which she had grown to love, enjoy, and excel. With hopeRead More →

Ran to Lose

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In my pursuit for thinness and continual weight loss, exercise became a significant part to my compulsivity. As a competitive athlete, exercise was an imminent part of the daily grind. Between both individual and team weightlifting, conditioning, and practice, it seemed as though I was always training. But, my mentality had shifted. The fine line between exercising to be fit and strong, and exercising to be thin, had been crossed. In the typical college soccer season, the training schedule revolved around games. Therefore, as competition neared, training tapered in intensity and time. Tuesdays were known as the “toughest” and most grueling day of training as it followed a day offRead More →