Destined for Food to be a Focal Point

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The main struggle with an eating disorder is the obsessive focus on food. It becomes a compulsive behavior where the only thing one can possibly think about is food. The thoughts and questions are irrational and repeat over and over in the mind of an anorexic person. Twelve years later, after my treatment and recovery, I have found a healthy balance of eating well and indulging when I desire. I stopped reading labels, I strive to eat in moderation, I do not restrict myself if I have a temptation, and I do not focus on food (well, I try my best not to.) However, I believe I am destined to have aRead More →

My First Visit to the Shrink

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Monday at 3:00pm. A day and time I so horribly dreaded. If it weren’t for my scholarship potentially being revoked had I not complied with their protocol, I without doubt would never have showed up. I was so bitter and irate about being accused of having an eating disorder. Because of my resistance to seek therapy, my roommate was asked by the sports medicine staff to personally drop me off and pick me up. I couldn’t look at her. It was a car ride of mere embarrassment, mortification, and fear. As she navigated through the campus of Michigan State University looking for the unknown Fee Hall, she explainedRead More →

Feminine and muscular?

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As I sit and reflect on this touching article published by FOX Sports and written by Justin Ching, I think about what may have altered, prevented, or limited my struggles with not only anxiety and depression, but anorexia in college. An article about mental health issues being a challenge for the NCAA in regard to student-athletes, it highlights different interviews with current student-athletes. A key finding from the interviews revealed that the majority of women pointed to eating disorders related to their sport as the top issue. According to the American Psychiatric Association, women are “nearly twice as likely” as men to develop depression, anxiety and eating disorders. Add in the stress of sports related pressures and stressors andRead More →

The Power of the Voice

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To me, the strongest battle I fought during my time with an eating disorder was “The Voice.” The voice should have been given a legal name, as it truly became a person I heard and listened to every second of my life. The voice dictated my decisions, swayed me not to eat, and convinced me to keep losing weight. At times, I believed this was the only relationship I had in my existence. The voice kept reassuring me I would be a happier individual if I continued seeing the numbers go down on the scale. Therefore, every time I walked into the entrance to myRead More →

One is the Loneliest Number

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It was Thursday, October 9, 2003. Old College Practice Field was placed amidst a forest of trees, where the color changing leaves were noted each fall season. Thursday practices were typically light, as we tapered to prepare for our Friday game. At the end of each Thursday session, my coach announced the starting lineup for the next day, and had the remainder of the team set up as the scouting team to simulate anticipated tendencies. My name had been called every single Thursday as a starter for Michigan State University women’s soccer. Before October 9, I had started all 32 games in which I played. However, everyRead More →

Hypothermia in Hot Temps?

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It was an unseasonably sweltering fall day at Michigan State. As I entered the auditorium that housed a room full of college students, I looked around to find a seat. Six hundred students were assigned to this particular biology course for that fall semester of 2003. We were in an overpacked room, sitting elbow to elbow. Students were using their sleeves to wipe the dripping sweat off their foreheads and drinking water like they had been sitting for hours on a scalding beach. Let’s put it this way – it was evident that people were uncomfortably hot, sweaty, and parched. I looked around and noticedRead More →

In Hopes to Save the Next Madison Holleran

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I was shaken to the core as I read the horrific, yet all too familiar, story on Madison Holleran which has resurfaced all over social media. As a former college women’s soccer athlete at Michigan State University, I knew Madison’s pain all too well. The recent overwhelming number of posts, tweets, and links directing to the story legitimize the urgency I feel to raise awareness about mental health. ESPN published an article, Split Image, on a 19-year-old beautiful, Ivy League track star, who died after jumping from a parking structure to commit suicide. I can personally attest to the similar feelings of anxiety and depression in a quest forRead More →

Learned Behaviors that led to Extreme Obsessions

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It was a beautiful Monday afternoon in East Lansing, MI. I was a month away from completing my freshman year of college. As I was headed back to my dorm after my final class of the day, I smiled thinking how great  it was I became an expert on navigating my way through the huge campus of Michigan State. After trekking down the path of the Red Cedar river, I thought I would stop, say hello, and visit with my coaches as I was coming up to Jenison Field House. I took in a breath of fresh spring air, and appreciated it was our oneRead More →

Break the Stigma: #breakthestigma

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It was a 100 degree August afternoon at Old College Field in East Lansing, MI. We had just completed our second training session of the day. As we typically would after practice, we hung around to decompress, stretch our bodies, and finish socializing. As my teammates and I started heading back to the locker room, I thought I heard my name being called. I looked around. “Konheim,” I heard my coach yell again to get my attention, “Come here for a second.” I sensed something unusual as I approached a small huddle including all three coaches. “We are very concerned about you right now. We don’t know ifRead More →

Freshman Fifteen

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“Four energy drinks, a bag of Doritos, Easy Mac and a whole pizza at 2 a.m. Welcome to the diet of a college freshman. Foods like these make up the recipe for the “freshman 15,” the amount of weight college students are expected to gain their freshman year,” says Abby Lutz, in a recent article published by The Ball State Daily, Students, professor weigh in on legitimacy of ‘freshman fifteen’. I anxiously entered and walked into Case Hall North on August 23, 2002. I had already been living on campus for a week and a half, as we were required to report for preseason on August 11. I was nervousRead More →