If only I were skinny…

I’d be so much happier. This is not the case at all. Actually, when I was my skinniest, I was the most unhappy I had ever been. I was clinically depressed, and was completely miserable. All I was able to think about was food and my body, and not gaining weight. I was trapped inside.

I’d have so many more friends. See, it seems as though skinny people tend to be more popular. I worked so hard at attaining thinness that my personality completely dwindled to nothing, I had no energy, and I was withdrawn from everyone and everything. Clearly, popularity in this fashion was not a result.

I’d be more attractive. Let’s put it this way. No guy was attracted to a compulsive dieter and exerciser. In fact, girls weren’t even attracted to me, as I was no fun, and could barely crack a smile. I attained thinness to a point my body was not meant to be—so, unfortunately, other characteristics crumbled; personality being a major one.

I’d be healthy. This is far from the truth. If anything, I was the unhealthiest I ever was when I was skinny. As a result of low body weight, I had lost my period, started developing injuries, was anemic, and was always freezing. Fortunately, I didn’t have any other severe medical complications, but it is quite probable when one is significantly underweight.

I’d be a better athlete. This I was not. I had lost all of my energy and strength; weak and feeble. Though my initial desire to lose weight was to enhance my performance, it ended up backfiring, and my performance was far below my my potential and expectations. With feeling fragile came low confidence, which, too, doesn’t contribute to athletic performance at all.

Clearly, those thoughts and statements were complete misconceptions I once believed were true.

Today, this seems like a relevant topic to discuss as Kelly Clarkson is “making a shocking and heartbreaking confession about her past struggles with weight and body image issues and revealing how her desperate attempts to get “skinny” during the early days of her career made her want to ‘kill herself.’” She added on Twitter, “I said people had no idea I was unhappy oddly enough because I appeared healthy.”

Reading her statements and thoughts, I couldn’t help but flashback to when I had an eating disorder fourteen years ago. I despised the way I felt inside. I was unhappy, sad, and tangled up in obsessive thoughts and behaviors, but the disorder was so incredibly complex to battle, and even eventually overcome. It’s going to take reputable and respected people like Clarkson to share these struggles—so many of us have them, but so many of us feel so alone. I am thankful for her courage and honesty, and she has inspired me to continue fighting to make this topic a priority.